apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
