Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
