dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
