winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
