Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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