i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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