Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
