...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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