I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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