Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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