oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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