she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
