Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
