After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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