he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
