Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
