I'm lost and stupid without you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
