i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
