When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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