Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
