speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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