Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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