i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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