I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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