break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
