Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
