Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
