uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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