party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
