i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
