1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
