My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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