things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
