so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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