She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
