ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
