i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
