Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
