I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Drake has all the answers
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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