He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
