some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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