I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize