i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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