He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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