You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
