My sheets look like a crime scene.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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