You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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