currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
