The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
