This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
