no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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