What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
