hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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