Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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