Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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