I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
