the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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