I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
