If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
