he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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