i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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