If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Drake has all the answers
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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