Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize