you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I want her autograph on my taint
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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